sometimes....

Sometimes i really hate myself for not caring and loving my parents more
sometimes i despise myself for not showering my love to my dad
sometimes i really look down on myself for not accompanying my mother
sometimes i really feel so sorry for my darling Richie that i neglected him sometimes i do feel so unfilial s
ometimes i blame myself for sister's current situation sometimes i feel so bad about myself that i feel like compensating all these all at a time but i know i couldn;t unless im so million hand buddah
sometimes i seriously dislike how easily angry/pissed i can get sometimes i fall into the trap of comparison
sometimes i felt so devastated that i hurt baby's feeling even though know i know he cares for me a lot

if all these sometimes can be changed by me, which i really hope so, smiling will not be so difficult anymore.

trying to my best to fill the gaps ....